As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:
1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level...
Now at this point you might be thinking to yourself, as I did, that they are referring to "liberal" in the religious sense of the word rather than the political ideology. Then we read the following:
6. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning...
And on and on they go. Now I am as fervent a believer as the next guy that we as Christians should actively seek to obtain as thorough an understanding of the text as humanly possible, but reading the Bible as innately supportive of any modern political ideology is idolatry. But maybe that's just me.
More Conservapedia Colbert-bait here.
On a related note, could someone tell me what the emotion is called when an event simultaneously triggers both laughter and sadness?